The Billy Movie It all started late summer '02. It only seems like a couple years ago. I was bored and wanted something to do, so I found something. Zach and I got together and wrote a 'script'. It was really just a rough outline of what we wanted, but that was basically the most pre-production we had ever done for a home movie. We've done stupid shit before, but this was going to top it all. So, we set out to work. Now that we had a script, we needed costumes. The Salvation Army provided us with the clothes we needed, and this party store in Highland gave us virtually everything else, including wigs and liquid latex. I played Billy and his mother. Zach played Mrs. Eggels. We also enlisted the help from several other friends, including, but not limited to: Scott and Kevin D. They both appear in the final product. Now, I want to stress the fact that there really was a story to this. The stupid details really do pay off (most of them). But I'm lazy as hell. We never finished it. We got most of the rough footage, but I never finished editing it, and realized there were a lot of holes. And then one day, about say six months ago, Zach starts talking about Project Greenlight. That's the show that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon put together where regular people actually get a chance to make a real movie. Zach is all excited about submitting something. But what? The Billy Movie? That shit is dead. Dead, stinky and rotten. But he was persistent, so I buckled and we started making a new edit for it. I mean, ok, what happens when you take something that is stupid to begin with, then cut out about 95% of the footage so that it fits the stringent 3 minute rule all applicants must follow? It gets way stupider. Stupid like a Chinese rapper. Stupid like the way I like it. Ok, so what if this happened to be my super-senior year of college and I'm so damn flooded with computer science projects that I should have been sleeping in the lab? Higher education comes and goes, but Project Greenlight comes but once a year. So we did it. We put the stupid shit on 2 tapes as instructed, read the 3 requisite scripts to stay eligible, shelled out the $35 application fee and paid the $40 overnight shipping costs. And then what happens? We win the contest, right? We get to make a million dollar horror film for Miramax with a guaranteed theatrical release, right? HAHAHAHAHA! We didn't even make it past the first round. And there were about 10,000 entries. Pathetic. Now, I should say something like, it was worth the effort and I learned something new and enjoyed the process. And something else like, I suppose our 'film' wasn't really strong on the narrative and was overall a bit 'rough'. But fuck that. It may be shit, but I know it was more entertaining than at least 50% of the other shit that was submitted. I mean, really, if 10,000 people send in films, you've got to expect that a huge percentage of them are literally some guy shooting everything directly to tape, in one take, with no editing whatsoever, no story, no nothing. Just some loser who has absolutely no clue. I mean, I read the required scripts, and man, there were some stinkers. That's what happens when you have an 'open' call for this kind of thing. Then there is a minority of people who actually know what they're doing and they submit stuff that's actually decent. I think our stuff is somewhere in the middle. It's dumb as hell, but somewhat entertaining. So, like pretty much everything else I do, this is something that I cringe when I watch it, but I'm still proud of it. If you watch it and shake your head in disgust, I'm with you. I've seen some sorry ass homemade movies on the internet and the filmmakers are all proud of it like its some kind of achievement when they have no clue its a train wreck. I KNOW this is a train wreck, but its my Baby and nobody puts Baby in a corner. The Billy Movie
Edit 092704: Don't worry 'bout nothin'. Just click on the above link.
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