I is DuMb

I like Aphex Twin. I like Squarepusher. I like Venetian Snares. I like mu-ziq. I like that stuff that's really fast and jungly and samply and strange and chopped 'amen'y and really insane. I like how these guys can sound all glitchy and reckless, while at the same time remain incredibly organized and structured.

So, I only found out recently that one of the sub-genre labels these guys get called is IDM. Previously I just thought you called them by their respective names, so that you wouldn't look like a moron when someone asks you what kind of music you like and you mention "Techno". Cuz techno is such a huge and idiotic genre. Technically, Technotronic is techno. I guess most cool people don't even call it techno anymore. That phrase just isn't very cool anymore.

But IDM? That actually sounds pretty cool. An acronym is nice because it's mysterious and regimented at the same time - much like the music it represents. IDM. After coming across it a few times on the internet, I decided that I would just call it that from now on, even though I had no idea what it stood for.

Then I realized that not knowing was probably not a good thing. What DOES IDM stand for? I googled it and came up with a list of definitions, but they were all stupid and jokey like "Idiosyncratic Dancing Monkeys" or "It Doesn't Matter".

Finally, after several weeks of heavy research, I found that it actually means "Intelligent Dance Music." What? Forget that, man. I think I'll stick with techno. How phony/high-brow does "Intelligent Dance Music" sound? IDM. Ugh.

Have you considered about what the phrase "Intelligent Dance Music" sounds like? Can you imagine anyone actually dancing to this? (I know that Aphex and Squarepusher and all the rest actually do tour from time to time, but I've never actually had the chance to see any of them. I imagine no one really actually dances to this stuff. And if they do, they probably look like total retards). Unless you've been freebasing for several hours, there is absolutely no possible way that a human could keep up with a Venetian Snares track for an entire song, let alone a whole set. It's all like 250 bpm or faster. If your heart beat that fast you would be dead within seconds. Of course, raves are associated with drug use and people take ecstasy like there is no tomorrow. But how does any of that actually conjure up mental examples of intelligence? Hey, maybe there IS no tomorrow. My intelligent dancing buddy, Steve, died at a rave after huffing cat farts and drinking paint.

Don't get me wrong, I do think that a lot of these IDM guys are actually geniuses (especially Aphex Twin), but IDM is a natural paradox. Dancing is something of a separation from intelligence (i.e. stoners at raves). It's passionate and rhythmic. You don't think - hmm I just proved Cantor's theorem wrong using crayons and coloring books, and start doing the robot to Afx237 V7. Oh, you did that? Fine. But I can guarantee you that you don't disprove Cantor's theorem while SIMULTANEOUSLY dancing to loudassed techno. HA! Got you there, didn't I?

I don't know why this bothers me so much. I think it's just an insult to these brilliant musicians. IDM. Yuck. I need to come up with my own definition of IDM so I don't feel like a moron using that phrase to search for new music. "Internet Donkey Milk." "Introductory Donut Making." "Illiterate Depeche Mode." Wait! I know... "Idiosyncratic Dancing Monkeys." Yeahhhhh. Oh man, I should go post THAT on the internet. HAHAHA! It's genius!

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